Letters to Aurora |
An entry every day for my dear sweet Aurora until 1135 days pass. |
Dear Aurora,
Self-deprecation is not the way to go, is it? A show of confidence, humor, and a little compassion goes a long way. At least, that’s what I believe.
And although I believe that, I fail to be.
Blind assumptions, over-analyzing, and fear makes me weirder than I am. I try to make conversations as natural as possible. But I really can’t do that unless I connect with that person. Who do I connect with? It used to be you, but I have no one anymore.
Darn it, there I go again.
I have a habit of going a step too far:
Quick, quick. Recover this bad situation, tell a pun instead! “Why did the chicken cross the road?” — And of course the other person thinks, “What? I don’t follow this guy’s train of thought. I thought we were talking about [topic]” If they’re nice, they’ll take the time to understand me, and have a “Oh! that’s what you meant!” moment. If they’re not, or not in the mood, they’ll just leave.
I guess it also has to do with timing.
“Why didn’t I meet you earlier?” is what you always said right?
I’m pretty sure this entry here didn’t flow well or make sense either.
Always with Love,
Danny
Dear Aurora,
I wonder if in another life, another parallel universe, everything turned out well for us. I made all the right choices, and every timing was right. And we happily married as highschool sweethearts years later. That’s what a lot of people dream of, don’t they? Because I think like this everyday. Do you know how many times people who know that I am/was sad over you told me to get over it? I can’t. I just can’t. I’m pathetic.
Always with Love,
Danny
Dear Aurora,
I really hope I see you more. Talk with you more. Love you more.
I’m contemplating whether or not to do marching band next year. It takes a lot of time, but it’s LION KING.
Always with Love,
Danny
Dear Aurora,
200 days.
Time for another countdown:
Tomorrow: A few quizzes, nothing big.
Saturday: The State Championship Marching Band Competition. The one that made me unable to go to my Debate Competition. Oh well.
Next Tuesday: Another math test. Gotta get 100 on it.
3 weeks from now: Speech competition! I just found out about it, typing it, memorizing it, rehearsing it quick.
6 weeks from now: End of the grading period. Hopefully the finals won’t be too hard.
1 month from now: Christmas. Should I get you anything? Or is that inappropriate. It is Christmas.
2 months from now:Swim Tryouts. Gotta make varsity this year.
3 months from now: Valentines? Definitely can’t do anything that day.
4 months from now: My birthday and a bittersweet memory.
5 months from now: Your birthday. I’ll probably get you something.
6 months from now: Testing, Testing Testing.
7 months from now: Tears at graduation (not from me), maybe by this time, we’ll be close enough again to watch the seniors leave together - as friends.
8 months from now: Summer. That means summer camp and summer school for me. And LOTS of studying.
10 months from now: Back to school for your last year here. I will miss you when you leave. A lot. I mean, I’ll probably be in tears as I hug you (if I hug you) in your graduation.
2 years from now: 1135 Days Pass.
After that? Maybe something cool will happen.
Always with Love,
Danny
Dear Aurora,
This is a good thing. Right?
Things running in my mind right now:
1.We’re getting closer again. I think. I hope.
2. Hey, if you happen to break up with your boyfriend (or if he doesn’t mind) and if you wouldn’t mind, would you still like to go to Prom/Homecoming/Winter Formal with me? -as a friend, of course, sort of.
3. I NEED SLEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEP
4. WRITING SPEECHES ARE HARD.
5. I’ve been doing this blog for 200 days. Wow.
(Shows commitment, doesn’t it? *nudge nudge*)
Always with Love,
Danny
P.S. I actually like the Saxy Saxophone Section Sweaters this year. Well, I like it more than last year’s. I’m sorry if you were the one that designed it, but I think it’s pretty bad.
Dear Aurora,
Today’s Monday. Took the day off from school because of Veteran’s Day yesterday Speaking of Veteran’s Day, did you know I’m trying to apply to West Point? It’s a military academy in New York if you didn’t know. It’ll be very tough to get in. Not only does my academic abilities have to be top notch, so does my physical abilities. I’m more worried about the CFA (It’s the physical exam they do) than my grades.
Writing a Speech is also very difficult. My word, I can’t find a single shred of an interesting story in my memory to write as a hook.
Something else that’s interesting is what this blog has shown me. This path I’ve taken. How I’ve transformed over all this time. How you’ve changed me, for better or for worse.
Always with Love,
Danny
Dear Aurora,
I woke up today to a surprise:
The lady who’s supposed to make the powerpoint for me to run on Sundays didn’t make the powerpoint. So I had to make the entire thing in about 30 minutes right before church started. While I was feeling very aggravated, someone made a prayer that she is in the hospital and she wishes for her to get better. Yes, it made me feel guilty. But to justify my anger, I directed it now, to her son. See, I didn’t like this mother and son in our church at all. It’s not that they’re bad people, oh no. They’re actually quite wonderful people, very kind, and very willing to do good. But it’s the way they do things that annoys me so very much. Every time they do something, it creates more work for me to do instead (and I don’t think the son washes himself at all, he smells. A LOT). So there I go, quickly making justifications of my anger about how a son could possibly not know about his own mother, and a stranger had to tell him through a prayer to the entire church. And ranted that if he knew, he could’ve notified me and I would’ve been able have an easier day.
How selfish am I? Well, of course, I didn’t show (or tried not to) any outward signs of my anger. But really, sometimes, I’m disappointed in myself.
Well, I hope you had a better day than I did.
Always with Love,
Danny
Dear Aurora,
Tonight, I got to play with The World Famous Glenn Miller Orchestra
They were really nice and super cool. For us high school kids, it’s really an honor to meet people of that stature and getting to sit down and eat dinner with them. I mean yes, we’re all people, but… they’re people with superior genetics, you know? (at least, in music they are)
I really hoped you enjoyed the concert.
Everyone’s telling me that I played perfectly for my solo even though I messed up a lot. They all said they couldn’t hear it, which is great, kinda.
Oh, and you said “hey” to me today with a smile.
It’s… great! Maybe we’re finally getting somewhere. And by somewhere, I don’t mean something romantically, but maybe you can be my best friend again. A close friend? Someone I can talk to? I just really miss your company…
Always with Love,
Danny
Dear Aurora,
3 day weekend. Tomorrow’s the concert. Wish me luck.
I’ll be writing my speech for speech & debate this weekend too. Hopefully some ideas pop up.
I think I need to clarify what I wrote before. When I said I think about you and then think “nah” about getting a girlfriend, I mean that… I’m tired. That, right now, I don’t even want to think about romance. Just the thought of having a romantic partner tires me, and I begin thinking about something else.
Always with Love,
Danny
Dear Aurora,
The World Famous Glenn Miller Orchestra.
It hit me just now.
I’ll be one of the first highschoolers in the world to play with the Glenn Miller Orchestra AND I might get a chance to play the solo.
Holy crap. This is big. This is huge. And I’m not even that good on the Tenor Sax. I don’t deserve this. Thank you Dr. Clements and Mr. Wicks for setting this up for us.
Will you be there to see me shine (Or fail miserably under the pressure)?
Always with Love,
Danny
